SPORTS

I enjoy watching LPGA events just as much as that of the PGA. In certain cases, I prefer the LPGA. For example, given the choice between watching an LPGA major or a non-major PGA event, I always choose the LPGA.

That was the situation I was expecting to face this weekend as I sat down on my comfy leather couch. I took a sip of my tasty beverage and powered up the old boob tube. I knew that the LPGA's 2nd Major, the McDonald's LPGA Championship, had just started. I flipped the channels to find the television coverage. NBC - nada. ABC - zilch. CBS - the Barclays Classic. What's the dealio?

I checked my trusty TV Guide. My worst fears were confirmed. None of the major networks were televising the McDonald's LPGA! Instead, the Golf Channel was covering all four rounds. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love the Golf Channel. However, I had to drop it from my cable service after it moved into the premium sports tier and pushed my monthly cable bill over a Benjamin.

Regardless, I was just dumbfounded that no major broadcast network picked up the final rounds of an LPGA major at a minimum. Since I had nothing else to do, I jumped onto the internet to find out the scoop. According to the article, "The McDonald's turns to TGC" by Jay A. Coffin in the April 18, 2006 issue of Golfweek:

The McDonald's LPGA Championship will receive four more hours of coverage this year but it will not be shown on network television for the first time in nearly two decades. After 15 years on CBS, the tournament announced April 17 a three-year deal with The Golf Channel, making it the first major championship on the LPGA broadcast solely by the network.

Had the major networks simply lost interest in the LPGA? Apparently not. According to "Major savings?" by Ron Sirak in the May 26, 2006 issue of Golf World:

Jon Miller, NBC's senior vice president of sports, said when NBC learned CBS was giving up the McDonald's (because tournament officials wouldn't agree to the network's request for a 3 p.m. Sunday finish), he called the LPGA and told commissioner Carolyn Bivens his network would like to take over the telecast. But Miller says Bivens told him McDonald's officials had already decided to go with The Golf Channel; when Miller pressed her on it, Bivens told him the decision was "out of the LPGA's hands."

Why would any tournament, particularly a major, opt to give up broadcast network coverage? Money is the most obvious answer. A source familiar with the situation, speaking on the condition of anonymity, said McDonald's saved $1.2 million a year by going to The Golf Channel instead of a network. Unlike the PGA Tour, the LPGA buys network time for its tournament broadcasts, then sells the commercials itself to try to recoup its cost. The source told Golf World it would have cost $1.5 million to put the McDonald's on CBS (or, presumably, NBC), but just $300,000 on The Golf Channel.

Unfriggin'believable. Sure, it's cheaper to broadcast an event on The Golf Channel, but the revenue opportunities are a lot less as well. Also, with the emergence of new and exciting young female golfers such as Michelle Wie, Morgan Pressel, Paula Creamer, etc., isn't this the best time for the LPGA to invest in the tour's exposure? These future golf stars deserve the spotlight of broadcast network coverage to capitalize on a new wave of viewer interest. The Golf Channel's miniscule audience just doesn't cut it.

How could the LPGA let this happen? Someone clearly dropped the ball big-time. Ultimately, Bivens must take responsibility for this sorry state of affairs. If her blunders persist, she will lose the support of the players, including one that's not yet a member but may be key to the LPGA's future: Michelle Wie.

Many people have been critical of Michelle Wie's limited LPGA schedule. The fact of the matter is that Wie is not an LPGA member and is limited to playing a maximum number of eight LPGA events this year. Not only is Wie playing as many LPGA events that she can, but she actually entered a much more difficult U.S. Open Sectional qualifier to be able to play in the McDonald's. She could have easily skipped the McDonald's to play in a much easier U.S. Open Sectional qualifier that would have almost guaranteed her chances to make history at Winged Foot. That's a pretty big sacrifice. How much more could Wie do for the LPGA? Outside of maxing out LPGA events, Wie plays in the best events that she is invited, whether it be a men's or women's event. Considering that Wie lives in Hawaii, it makes a whole lot of sense.

If Carolyn Bivens continues to penny-pinch the LPGA into obscurity, maybe Wie would be better off to remain a part-timer on the LPGA. Why play on a tour where only a fraction of the population can view it? I wouldn't blame Wie if she were to bypass the LPGA altogether. I'd be in favor if it meant that I could watch her more often. Bivens needs to increase the LPGA's visibility, not lessen it. If she can't grasp this obvious and simple concept, she is totally clueless and needs to step down immediately. After only ten months as the queen bee, Bivens has already seen the departure of seven senior LPGA executives, two of them she had hired. Asked why she bolted from her post as the senior vice president of golf, Deb Richard responded, "I've lost faith in the leadership." Let me translate that cryptic message for you, "Carolyn Bivens is running the LPGA into the ground and I'd better bail out now before the $hit really hits the fan." Ty Votaw, you are sorely missed.

When I first started playing golf, there were no grass driving ranges in my area. By default, I was forced to practice on artificial grass range mats. Not knowing any better, I believed that they were just as good as the real thing. Boy was I wrong. Indeed, I became pretty proficient hitting golf balls off padded Astro Turf. But that's a lot like saying you can fly a plane well after only piloting a video flight simulator.

While hitting a teed ball off range mats doesn't pose a problem, hitting unteed balls off range mats can adversely affect your swing. The main problem with range mats is that they don't allow you to take divots. When an iron impacts real grass, it digs in and scoops out a chunk of turf leaving the so-called divot. When this happens in relation to contact with the golf ball is all the difference with iron ball-striking. When hit properly, the iron contacts the ball before it impacts with the turf. If the iron hits the turf before the ball, the turf will interfere with the iron on ball contact resulting in the so-called "fat" shot (see picture). Besides the dreaded shank, the fat shot is the ugliest shot in golf. Laying sod is for landscaping your yard, not for hitting a golf ball.

Practicing on real turf gives you the necessary feedback to learn proper iron ball-striking. Hit a fat shot on real turf, and the ball behaves just like it does on the golf course - it goes nowhere. The beauty is knowing that you must have done something incorrectly to produce such a poor result. However, a fat shot on a range mat will likely produce a somewhat acceptable result. How do you improve if you don't know when you are doing something wrong?

Another problem with range mats is that they are unyielding to the impact from a properly struck iron. As a result, golfers may try to minimize contact with the mat, adversely affecting their swing. I certainly felt that extensive practice on range mats caused me to develop an overly shallow swing and become a "picker" of the golf ball. In other words, I was hitting the golf ball without taking a divot whatsoever.

While I don't think that there's anything significantly wrong with being a "picker", the margin for error is much less for a picker. Strike the ball one or two grooves lower than normal on the clubface, and a picker will hit it thin. A steeper swing will forgive such faults.

Thankfully my local course now has a full-time 100% real grass driving range. I realize that my extensive practice on range mats was not only largely fruitless, but also detrimental. I now refuse to practice on range mats, using them only to warm-up before a round in the absence of a grass range. As Cheech and Chong might say, "there's just no substitute for real grass."

Having recently switched back to forged blade irons, I totally agree with Bob Tway's comment: "You have to be more precise with a forged blade," said Tway, who won the 1986 PGA Championship using cast Ping irons but now uses Mizuno's forged MP-33 blades. He explained:

"With a [more forgiving] cast club you can get sloppy with your swing. That creeps into other clubs, like the driver. I think my mechanics have gotten better since I went to forged [blades]. If you look at the top of the money list, they're all playing forged [blades]."

I'm a self-taught golfer who learned the game using my grandfather's old Hogan Blades. When I had become a decent golfer (14-handicap) with solid ball-striking ability, I decided that I deserved a new set of irons. Through Callaway propaganda, I became brainwashed into thinking that the best irons were designed with the largest cavity-back with the greatest amount of offset. So, naturally, I bought a new set of Big Bertha irons.

At first I was crushing the ball and I thought that I owned the irons of my dreams. The sweet spot felt like it was all over the clubface. Unfortunately, my enthusiasm evaporated as I progressively developed a slight push-fade. Eventually, that worsened into a severe push-slice. I also noticed that my ball-striking wasn't as "crisp" as before and my divots were inconsistent. I had no clue what was going on and I panicked that I was turning into Ian Baker-Finch. It was inconceivable to me that my problems could have stemmed from my irons since I had believed that they were the best that money could buy.

I now realize that those forgiving "game-improvement" irons were ruining my golf swing. The wide soles and extremely low center of gravity of the Berthas allowed me to get away with "scooping" the ball. As a result, my ball-striking tanked. The Bertha's extremely thick top-line and super offset reeked havoc on my setup and alignment. This in turn affected my take-away, backswing, etc. Like a house of cards, my swing collapsed and my handicap ballooned. According to Ernie Vadersen, a former top designer for Spalding and MacGregor, "Oversize cavity-back clubs allow you to play lazily, and lazy habits promote poor play." Oh how I wish I knew that before I bought those friggin' Callaways!

It took me several years to realize the error of my ways, and now I'm back to playing forged blades. With blades, I instantly feel the difference between a good shot and a bad one. The good shots feel super sweet, while the bad ones punish. This feedback has allowed me to fix many of the swing flaws that I had developed under the Callaway years.

Most people don't like blades because they believe (primarily through marketing) that blades feel harsh. Well, they only feel harsh when you put a bad swing on them. Play with blades and they will force you into a good swing. But if you can't ever make a good swing, then maybe golf isn't for you.

As Vadersen says:

...golfers want better feel when they hit the ball. When you hit a ball off the heel or toe of a classic forged [blade] iron, you know immediately, without even looking, that the shot is off. That's vital information. In that respect, no cavity-back club can compare with a forged blade iron. In simplest terms, the forged [blade] club gives you more information. The way I look at it, it's like having someone help you. By that I mean, if you find you are hitting the club on the toe, the computer in your brain will actually start adjusting until you start hitting it on the sweet spot. If you're striking it on the heel, you will eventually automatically make the adjustment to make a better shot. We've learned the best teachers tend to use forged [blade] clubs for this reason. They are teaching you how to make shots, and a good forged blade, because of the information it imparts, aids in that process — a game-improvement iron in the end.

Remember, it's easy to hit a target with a shotgun, but it will never help you become a SWAT sniper. But blades aren't for everybody. If you are having too much difficulty hitting blades, traditional-styled cavity-backed irons will still allow you to develop and maintain proper swing mechanics. At the very least, you should have a blade or two to practice at the range to stay sharp. Just be sure to avoid the extreme "game-improvement" irons.

I have enjoyed countless servings of bangers, haggis and pints O'Guinness at my favorite Irish pub, Lucky Baldwin's. Sadly, I have now decided never to venture there again.

Why? Well, it's not the food or the service. They have some of the best Irish food and drink outside of Dublin and everyone knows that the Irish are some of the nicest people around. No, it's a much more serious concern: the Shanks.

I have begun to suspect that my long bout with this dreadful affliction is a result of my exposure to anything Irish. My hypothesis was confirmed last weekend during the 3rd round at the 2004 PGA Championships. Darren Clarke, the top Irish golfer, cold shanked his iron on the par-3 17th hole. Not only is it shocking that a professional could hit such a horrendous shot, it continues a remarkable trend:

• It all began 7 years ago during the final round at the 1997 Open Championship at Royal Troon when Clarkey shanked a three-iron tee shot at the 2nd hole.
• Then, at this year's 68th Masters, Clarke did it again on the par-4 9th hole.
• The trend only accelerated as Clarke shanked the 5th hole tee shot at the 2004 Scottish Open at Loch Lomond.
• Just one week later, Clarkey did it again with a chip shot at the 133rd Open Championship at Royal Troon.

Is it just a coinidence that this guy also part-owns a racing horse named "Shank On Fourteen?" No, it is quite clear that this man is the Lord of the Shanks.

Interestingly, CBS happened to capture Clarke's latest debacle on super-slo-mo "SwingVision". Check out the ugliest shot in golf:

I'll always remember reading about how Tiger's Mizuno MP-14 irons (before he was paid to play equipment) all had a dime-sized wear spots smack dab on the sweet spot. Unfortunately, I've noticed that the wear spots on my irons happen to be all over the face, including the hosel. Yes, the hosel. In other words, I have a bad case of the $hanks(I dare not spell out the actual word on my golf blog as it will certainly spread to you, the reader)!

Anyone who's ever gotten the case of the $hanks, knows the misery of this affliction. Unfortunately, there is no known 100% remedy.

The $hanks hit me for the first time about 2 months ago while I was golfing in San Diego (Torrey Pines and Barona) with some friends. The trip started out great as my "A" game surfaced at the Torrey Pines South Course to produce a legit 84 from the white tees (6,885 yards) in conditions last seen in the movie, "The Perfect Storm." Torrential rain and winds actually halted our play for about an hour. After my magical round, I thanked the Golf Gods and sacrificed one of my Pro V1s to appease them.

The next day, we played Barona. I shared a cart that day with my buddy Anthony, a low single-digit handicap. Things began much like the previous day with my "A" game still intact, carrying me even par through the first two holes. I thought, "Damn, I am finally becoming a good golfer just like Anth!" The Golf Gods must have heard my over-confidence. On the 3rd hole, both me and Anth hit good drives within 10 yards of each other with about 150 yards to the pin. Anth hit first, but shockingly full on $hanked his 7-iron about 20 yards dead right! I stood there in disbelief, wondering how this could happen to such an accomplished golfer. This is a dude who once played on a college golf team. I was thinking, "If the $hanks can happen to Anth, then it could damn well happen to me" as I setup for my next shot. With that thought penetrated deep within my psyche, I also $hanked my 7-iron.

The disease seemed to spread in epidemic fashion as my buddy John exhibited preliminary symptoms on the next hole with a topped fairway wood (it would have been a $hank if fairway woods had exposed hosels). Our friend Larry noticed the rapid spread of the apparent airborne virus and kept a safe distance from all of us. Luckily, he was spared.

At the time, I thought that the $hanks would only be a brief phenomenon. You know, something that would vanish after a good night's rest. I couldn't be more wrong. Virtually every round that I have played since, I have $hanked a shot. I've tried to fix it at the range, only to $hank it with more frequency. Recently, I have nightmares where I'm on course to shoot a 58, only to $hank my approach shot on the last hole into the drink. I think I now have a pretty good idea what Finchy went through in the mid 1990s.

I've heard that Bush is focused on the development of next generation weapons systems. Based on my experience, I recommend that Bush look at weaponizing the $hanks. It is truly a dangerous and undefeatable force. Look what it did to Darren Clarke!

In the November 26, 2004 issue of GolfWorld, Ron Sirak wrote an interesting article titled, "A Bad Week in Sports." In this article, one of the items that Mr. Sirak takes issue is Tiger's lack of attendance at Charlie Sifford's induction into the World Golf Hall of Fame. Charlie Sifford became the first African-American to join the World Golf Hall of Fame and so Sirak feels that Tiger should have been there to pay his respects. Sirak writes, "Tiger Woods should have been there. His videotaped message failed to make up for the fact he opted for a big-bucks appearance fee in Asia instead."

Well Ron, FYI, Tiger isn't entirely African-American. In fact, twice as much Asian blood courses through his veins than African blood. Tiger calls himself, "Cablinasian", to describe his Caucasian-Black-Indian-Asian racial composition. Does Tiger have an obligation to appear at every golf milestone achieved by a member of his racial group? That's just plain ridiculous. Last year, Hisako Higuchi was the first Asian golfer to become a member of the World Golf Hall of Fame. Funny, I don't remember Ron chastizing Tiger for not attending that ceremony.

I think that Tiger did exactly the right thing by sending a videotaped message to Mr. Sifford's induction ceremony. I figure that a videotaped message constitutes about 25% of an in-person appearance, or roughly the same percentage that Tiger is African.

I live in Los Angeles where playing golf can be an excruciatingly long ordeal. My guess is that an average round here takes about 5 1/2 hours.

In my search for a solution to this problem, I've come across something called XTreme Golf. Basically, it combines running with golf. The objective is simple: Shoot the lowest score possible in the least amount of time. In XTreme Golf, competitors jog or run between holes and whack the ball with nary a practice swing. It's all about sharp skills, quick thinking and cardiovascular fitness (all things not needed to write a golf blog). All of this produces sub-hour rounds of golf.

I've seen video of XTreme Golf, and it looks interesting. Unfortunately, I only run from things...like pit bulls, bill collectors, ex-girlfriends, cops, etc.

That's how Marc O'Hair describes himself, according to an article in Golf Digest. And from what I have gathered, he couldn't be more correct.

Marc O'Hair is the father of Sean O'Hair, the 22 year-old PGA Tour rookie who's been playing some great golf on the Tour this year. Last week, Sean made his best appearance ever, capturing sole 2nd place at the EDS Byron Nelson Championship. For that Avis-like finish, Sean breaks into the top-100 of the Official World Golf Ranking at No. 96 and takes home a $669,600 check. Unfortunately, he is contractually bound to give his father $66,960 of those winnings.

Sound bizarre? It's just one of the many terrible things that Marc has imposed on his talented son. I remember first hearing about Marc and Sean a couple of years ago in a "60 Minutes II" segment entitled "The Tiger Formula." The elder O'Hair takes the term "overbearing parent" to a whole new level. He forced a military-like totalitarian regimen upon his poor son in an effort to manufacture a golf superstar. Daddy O'Hair kicked his son out of bed every morning at 5 a.m. to run, practice and lift weights. On top of publicly berating his son in public, Marc devised a system of punishment where Sean was forced to run a mile for making bogeys or finishing over par at tournaments.

I guess that's what happens when you look at your son as a business venture, rather than a person of your own creation. "I was in business 20-plus years and I know how to make a profit," Marc told CBS. "You've got the same old thing - it's material, labor and overhead. He's pretty good labor." Sean explained, "We have never had a father-son relationship. It has always been the investor and the investment."

Marc even made his son sign a contract when he was 17, requiring him to pay Marc 10 percent of his professional earnings for life. "I told him, 'I can't blow this kind of money without a return,' " Marc says. " 'When you make it, there has to be payback someday.' " Real classy.

After a disappointing 2002 season, Sean had enough and told his father that he no longer wanted him to manage his career or his golf game. Removed from life under a dictator, Sean's game blossomed. Instead of feeling proud or even happy for his son, Marc was outraged. He revealed that he intends to send copies of the contract with his son to the media if his son ever finds success on the PGA tour. "As soon as he gets famous, I am going to lower the boom," Marc says. "I am going to show everybody what he did to me. I have no intention of suing him. I intend to crucify him in the media, because what he did to me is not right."

"I feel like a damn fool," Marc says. "I thought I would get every penny back."

Marc, not only are you a fool and an iron-asshole bastard, but you are one of the lowest life forms on this planet. I know people who treat their pet hamsters better than the way you treat your own flesh and blood. David Feherty was spot-on when he called your treatment of Sean "Just sinister. No matter what way you look at it."

You've probably noticed that golf awards some of the most gawd-awful trophies in all of sports. They do nothing to dispel the notion that golf isn't a "real" sport.

I've already written about the megalomaniacal "Tiger" trophy awarded to the winner of the Target World Challenge.

But those silly jackets that sometimes accompany these trophies are even worse. Yes, the Men of the Masters will likely send a hitman to silence me when I write this, but the Green Jacket is just downright awful. The only thing that looks good wearing it is a Leprechaun.

With the Masters and its Green jacket fresh in our minds, the golf gods hit us with something far worse. In fact, the Green jacket is Paris Hilton-stylin' compared to the red Tartan jacket awarded to the winner of the Verizon Heritage held the week after the Masters. The madness continues with the red Plaid jacket given to the winner of the just concluded Bank of America Colonial.

I cringe whenever I see these hard-edge patterned threads in jacket form. I always think, how the hell does that look good? In fact, when did it ever look good? Can you look at these fashion fiascos and not laugh?

I tried to think of things where that bold red tartan or plaid pattern may look at least normal these days. Boxers? Blankets? Tablecloths? Skirts? Not surprisingly, he list is very short. Whoever first said, "Yeah, that pattern would look great as a sports coat" needs to have their eyes checked.

Just because these jackets are horrible, doesn't mean that nobody wants them. When asked about the Verizon Heritage, Ernie Els said, "I'd love to get one of those ugly jackets."

Remember that classic Stanley Kubrick sci-fi flick, 2001: A Space Odyssey? I loved that movie in my youth because at the time I thought that it was a glimpse into the not-so-distant future. It predicted that we'd all be flying around the universe in cool spaceships having intelligent conversations with talking computers. It turns out that the only thing that they managed to get right about the turn of the millennium is that no one wears tartan or plaid. That is, unless you win a golf tournament.

You may have noticed that some golfers draw a straight line on their golf balls to help them line up the ball to putt. It's even a common practice on the professional golf tours. If you saw Tiger Woods' miraculous chip shot at the 16th hole of the 2005 Masters on TV, you got a good close-up of his lined Nike One Platinum ball as it hung momentarily on the lip of the cup.

The most common device to draw such a line on a golf ball is a product called the "Line-M-up." It's essentially a piece of plastic that you snap on a golf ball. It has a slot where you can draw a straight line on the golf ball with a permanent marker such as a Sharpie pen.

You can buy the Line-M-up at most golf stores. At Golfsmith, it costs $8.99. Yes, $8.99!

While that may not sound like much to some, it's quite a lot for something that looks like it cost about 5 cents to manufacture. Sure, it comes with a Sharpie, but what does that cost, another 20 cents? Assuming a standard 100% retail markup, I estimate that the Line-M-up wholesales for about $4.50. To be generous, I'll assume that the Line-M-up costs a total of $.50 to manufacture and package. That means for each Line-M-up sold, the manufacturer makes $4.00 in profit, or a 800% profit margin!

I'm not against anyone making a buck, but to me this is grossly excessive. As a businessperson, I refuse to buy this thing based on business principle alone. But that doesn't mean I don't draw a line on my ball. For the price of a bottle of Gatorade, I have a ball line-drawing device.

When I wrote, "a bottle of Gatorade" I literally meant a bottle of Gatorade. I just use the plastic safety ring that detaches from the cap of a 20 oz. bottle of Gatorade as a straight-edge for golf balls. Amazingly, it fits on a golf ball almost perfectly! Not only do you have something to line your golf balls, but you also have a tasty beverage to wash down that crusty old hot dog at the turn. To ensure a straight and balanced line, use the Technasonic Check-Go to pre-draw the line. Just take a look at these pics to see how easy it is to "Line-M-up" ghetto style: